What Never Was and What Might Be
by WickedBluerose
Summary: In follow up to my story Facing Past Demons, we pick up with Toby, Charlie, Ethan and the rest of the cast as seen in season one immediately following episode 1x13. The storyline of Toby's past is further explored as relationships change and grow.
1. Chapter 1

What Never Was and What Might Be

Follow up Story to Facing Past Demons

Disclaimer: I don't own the Listener…. If I did Charlie Marx and Ray Mercer would still be highly featured in season two. grrrr

Notes: Takes place during after events in ep 13 of season 1 – consider this episode 1x14. There are plans to continue this story arc into at least one more major story.

In attempts to make it plain who is hearing what use the following key:

++ TEXT ++ = Toby is sensing with his gift

** TEXT ** = Other character is sensing with telepathy

+*+ TEXT +*+ = both Toby and other character sensing it with telepathy

Thanks again go out to my beta reader Joyce both for catching grammar and concept issues.

* * *

Nothing. There had been nothing to follow up on inside the car found just off the bridge. Toby sat beside Charlie Marks hospital bed going over for the millionth time the race to find his mother that had occurred over the past couple days. The whoosh – beep of the machines softly keeping him company in a quietly lit intensive care unit did little to distract him. He had to be careful of the time he spent in this room to ensure his path did not cross with Sergeant Becker as there was little doubt that her boss would make good on his threat towards Toby. Becker blamed Toby for the bullet that Charlie had taken, and Toby wasn't so certain the man was wrong.

Carefully reviewing his mental files, Toby looked for that lost clue or scrap of evidence that would surely make all the pieces fit together. He wasn't the only one who had more questions than answers.

Miles away, Ethan Darnell sat alone on the motel bed listening to the ticking clock on the wall and tried to reconstruct his own past. A lifetime of knowing other people's thoughts as easily as he knew his own had fostered a sense of invulnerability that was only fanned by the doting scientists at the Institute as they taught him how to sharpen his gift. That confidence was shattered in mere minutes with the reading of one individual - Toby Logan. Ethan knew how to reach into the depths of the human mind. It was what he was trained to do from his earliest years. Till fate had him cross paths with his estranged brother, Ethan never had reason to dig deeper than the easily plucked fruit of the conscious minds of those that surrounded him. Maybe those they allowed near him were as deceived as he had been.  
There had never been a trace of more than the story that had been hounded into him from birth of a mother who never wanted him and a brother who had disappeared and had been presumed dead years ago.

But now Ethan knew there was indeed more to the story.

He lay down and spread out on the motel bed as the memories from about a month ago played through his mind. "Someone's lying … and I'm going to find out who." The rage engulfed Ethan as he spat the dark promise out to his supposed brother. How could anyone have lied to him? He who could scan the thoughts of anyone as easily as most people read the back of a cereal box. Yet the memories from the paramedic's mind would not reconcile with the knowledge Ethan had lived with growing up, and that paradox scared him to death. The cocky security of 'knowing it all' that came from a lifetime of being able to read other people's minds was destroyed in that moment, and a part of Ethan had shattered as well.

Ethan had fled Toronto that night, and went back to his room at the Institute to start tracking down those in charge. Every face was now a question mark to Ethan to try to figure out if what he read from them was the truth, a well calculated lie, or simple ignorance on their part. It took a couple weeks, but he found the elite circle of monsters masquerading as men at the top of the organization. He tunneled through their minds and found the files on his mother and discovered who his father had been.

The Institute had wanted answers upon his return, and Ethan's behavior started to concern those in charge when he seemed to have not gotten the anticipated results on the last assignment. There was whispered gossip in the minds of those around him about the possibility of having to contain him with drastic measures if Ethan had become somehow disloyal to the Institute's mission.

He hadn't given them the chance. Ethan was making his way back to Toronto to collect the rest of the pieces to the puzzle, but not before creating some major problems for the lab coats back home to stay busy with. It would take some time before they regained control over the computer networks they took such foolish pride in depending on. In addition to his mental abilities, Ethan had a flair for computer science that rivaled the best.

Ethan could easily shut out the echoes of the other people around him, but the memories and questions that sprang up from the past were not so easily silenced. The images stolen from Toby's mind of their mother haunted Ethan's dreams.

* * *

Toby half dozed then would startle back to wakefulness with a jab of thought from the surrounding patients and staff. Hospitals were bad for intense thoughts that could not be blocked out, but guilt mixed with concern caused him to be at Marks bedside as much as possible. That window of opportunity was coming to a close as he eyed the clock and knew that soon he would have to slip out to prevent running into Becker.

He placed his hand over hers and once again attempted to bargain for her recovery. "I know you can hear me. You didn't ask for me to be in your life, and if I could change this I would take it all back. Charlie, don't stay away too long. You're needed here. You're a fighter I know you can make it. You have to make it."

Blinking back tears, he slipped out and down the hall. Around the corner Olivia spotted him, and quickly made her way over before he toppled over his own feet.

"Toby you can't keep going like this. You're exhausted. When is the last time you actually went home and slept for more than a couple of hours?" concern filled her voice as she guided him to sit down in the waiting area.

"I… I don't know Liv… it doesn't matter where I am … I can't sleep. With everything that has happened to have been so close to finding my mother only to come up empty handed again…" Toby wiped his hands over his face massaging his tired eyes. "How could she have just disappeared?"

"I don't know Toby, but we won't stop looking for her, OK? Right now you have to take care of yourself or you won't be any good to her once you do find her. "Common sense was not going to have an impact tonight she could quickly tell.

"Frank is my last hope of finding those missing parts to the puzzle, and Becker still has him in custody with no chance of getting near enough to him for me to even read him much less actually get to talk with him. " He continued on as if Olivia had not said a word. He was lost in his own sluggish thoughts.

"All right that does it Mr. Logan," It was no longer Olivia the girlfriend talking but rather Dr. Fawcett. "You are going to get some sleep even if I have to sedate you to do it."

"I'm fine Liv." The lie held no conviction as it was the simple tossed off reply of someone not paying attention.

"You are NOT fine. Come on…" She half guided half pulled him down the hall to an empty room, and firmly pushed him back against the bed. He didn't put up much of a fight and that worried her even more than the dark circles under his eyes that had been a constant testament to his exhausted state. "I have to be in surgery in five minutes, and if you are not asleep in this bed when I get done I am going to find the strongest sedative in this place to knock you over the head with." The threat was genuine with the firm commanding voice to back it up, but then her worry showed through. "You need to rest or you are going to destroy yourself. I'll be back…" Olivia flipped off the lights, and quietly closed the door on her way out.

Toby's eyes stared open but not really seeing anything for a few minutes. Then exhaustion won out as his body crashed hard into tortured sleep.

* * *

Oz didn't normally complain, but Doug Phelps, who was filling in for Toby on the EMS truck, was getting on his last nerve.

"And then she calls me up and suggests we go out for some pizza and all she wants on it once we get there is spinach. Can you believe that? Pizza just ain't worth it unless you pile some meat on there.  
So I said – "Doug was cut off mid sentence by Oz's exclamation.

"Wow… look at that - time to pull it in for the night." The Turkish paramedic hot footed it back to St. Lukes in record time counting the seconds until he could bid Doug good-bye.

Once out of the ambulance bay, Oz went to track down his MIA partner Toby Logan both to see how his friend was coping, and perhaps to beg him to come back to work depending on the answer to the first question. Rounding the corner Oz saw Olivia standing at the far window staring out seemingly at nothing.

"Olivia… " she didn't turn to face Oz as he approached. In fact she didn't seem to have heard him at all. "Hey Earth to Olivia..." Oz came to stand next to her, but she still stared out the window.

A nurse came up on the other side of Dr. Fawcett a bit hesitantly with a clipboard. "Dr. Fawcett… need your sign off on this." Finally jolted back to the people around her, Olivia took the proffered pen from the nurse and quickly scribbled her name then she noticed Oz.

"Hey Oz… " her voice was still distracted and her thoughts seemed a million miles away.

"What's up? You look like the walking dead." He was never much for being subtle.

She shook her head and strolled back to the main entrance of the ER, "I'm just worried about Toby."

"Yeah me too." Glancing around Oz didn't see his partner in question, "where is he anyway? Or did you finally get him to go home?"

"No such luck. Forced him to crash in one of the empty rooms for now." Her back was to the door, and Oz's widening eyes were not enough warning for her to escape being grabbed from behind.

The teenager's crazed stare darted around at the growing circle of people that surrounded him and the hostage he had the pocket knife pressed against. One wrong move and the blade would cut deeply into Olivia's neck. The EMS team that had been bringing him in on the stretcher gave them a wide berth, but stayed close enough in case they spotted a chance to intervene.

"You're not going to get me! I know what you want, but you aren't going to get me!" ragged jeans and an even worse off T-shirt hung on the adolescent frame as he slowly moved holding tight to Olivia as he inched backwards towards the main doors. The youth was obviously heavily strung out on something and Olivia struggled to breathe .

"Let her go… and we can help you. No one's going to hurt you… " Oz tried to distract and calm the boy in order to give Olivia a chance of escaping unharmed. Bloodshot eyes riveted to Oz's and that was all the opportunity the security personnel needed to knock the knife from his hand and pull him into cuffs. They removed him kicking and screaming all the way.

Oz rushed in the moment Olivia was free to steady her so she could sit down. Shaking with adrenalin she popped back up and headed for the door at the end of the hallway to get a breath of air.

Oz quickly followed as they both burst through the outside door. Olivia leaned back on the wall and slid to the ground with Oz eyeing her carefully.

"You OK?" Oz softly asked her.

"No… no I'm not. Look I just needed to get out of there for a while. Can you go check on Toby for me?" She didn't want Oz shadowing her, and she needed to know Toby was being looked after as well.

"Sure… I'll make sure he's OK. How about you?"

She faked a half smile, "I'll be all right… just need some air." It wasn't much of an assurance, but it was all Oz was going to get.

Oz made his way back inside and down to the room Toby was conked out in muttering to himself once inside the small room, "Things just keep getting better all the time."

"What's getting better?" Toby groggily opened his eyes.

"Toby! Man how you doing?" ++**Please tell me you're better than ever and going to be back soon cause we have enough crisis mode to last a few lifetimes**. ++ Oz didn't think he should mention Olivia's situation till he knew that Toby was back on an even keel. Or at least as even as Toby's life ever became. But Oz was never one to be able to hide much from people much less his telepathic partner.

"Crisis mode? What's going on Oz?" Toby held his head in one hand as he used the other to push himself to a sitting position.

"Crisis? Um I didn't say anything about…" Oz's voice trailed off at Toby's look of 'come on don't give me that I heard you'. "OK … my life's a living hell with Doug riding with me on the truck, your mom is still who knows where, Frank's in lock up, Charlie's down the hall, and Olivia was just held at knife point by some stoned teenager in the ER … " the words tumbled over each other in rapidly gaining speed and pitch as Oz listed the chaos.

"Whoa … stop. Olivia what?" Toby picked up on the one item in the long list that was new.

"This guy busted into the ER, grabbed her and put a knife to her throat…. Must have been strung out pretty good, but the cops got him now." Oz relayed the recent events.

Toby closed his eyes and willed the world to stop spinning long enough for him to get his balance. One firm foot on the ground before it all turned to quicksand was all he was asking.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Whoosh – beep… Whoosh – beep. The sounds seeped into her consciousness and mingled with a stirring of memory. The man from the video tape stood opposite Toby and Frank then suddenly there was a loud bang and blackness. Marks eyelids fluttered slightly before lapsing back into that swirling darkness. Her body didn't want to wake up, but her mind fought to overcome her injuries.

Becker stood in her room with his eyes fixed on the monitors, but his thoughts chased themselves regarding the case that almost stole his best detective. The facts didn't add up, but one thing was certain. It all led back to Toby Logan. She had been protecting Logan from Victor Clooney when she had been shot. But why was she working on following up on a burglary case? And how did that same said burglar end up shot in Logan's apartment by the elderly man Frank Cardea. What was it about this elusive Toby Logan that made everyone seem to want to protect him at any cost? At first Logan was a curiosity that Sergeant Becker tolerated due to the increase in solved cases that trailed behind his appearance. But now the paramedic was a liability that needed to be neutralized.

The phone at Becker's belt rang once before he grabbed it up. "I'll be right there." One last glance at Marks as he rushed out didn't catch the slight movement of her right hand.

* * *

Olivia gasped for air and attempted to force her heart rate to slow back to a normal rhythm. The door where she had slipped out of was where the nurses that smoked sometimes took a smoke break to be unseen since there was no smoking allowed anywhere within the hospital. This sense of being out of control was completely foreign to her. She had always known exactly where she was headed, and had the plans along with the drive to get there. As a result of that persistence to reach her goals there had often been times when she was labeled as cold or stuck up, but right now she would have gladly endured such labels if she could call back the composure that came with them.

Even with her eyes closed she knew the sound of the opening door could only mean one person. The one person she couldn't deal with right now. **++ Please Go Away. ++** She was too upset to worry about offensive thoughts right at that moment.

"Liv… hey Oz told me what happened. " He had heard her mental shove, but ignored it as he often did when she was broadcasting words she chose not to speak. She turned away from him as he approached her side.

"I'm fine just needed some air really." Olivia kept her eyes tightly closed with her arms wrapped around herself. She wasn't paying attention to her inner dialogue being sent out to Toby even though she now knew his secret.

Clearly she needed time to get over the shock. Toby backed off understanding she wasn't going to accept any consoling right now. "OK… look I'll drop by your place later to make sure you're all right." Not sure what else to do, he was looking around as he made his way back inside when he saw Becker's car pull out of the hospital parking lot. He took one last glance at Olivia whose body language alone screamed for him to leave then Toby sought out Marks' room. At least with Becker gone he could spend some more time with Charlie.

Expecting to be met with silence again except for the same faint whoosh – beep, he was startled to walk into a hit from Charlie reliving the events outside the hotel. Her eyes were still closed and her frame was still as ever, but he could sense her mind was waking up.

"Charlie?" he rushed over to her side softly calling to her. Glancing over at the monitors he could tell that she was starting to become alert. Toby brushed his hand against her forehead and picked up her hand hoping the contact would aid in her regaining consciousness.

Her eyelids opened slowly. Charlie blinked to clear the blurry vision as her eyes started to make sense of her surroundings. Toby choked on tears of relief while she made the adjustment from sleep to wakefulness. She swallowed hard and he grabbed up a cup of water to offer her aware that her throat was probably very dry. Licking the water off her lips, she turned to look at him. **++ Toby? +**+

"I'm here … you sure took long enough to wake up. There is going to be a ton of paperwork to catch up on after such a long nap you know? " He kept his tone light to hide the fears he had pushed down since she had gotten shot.

"What…" words were still hard to force past her throat.

"Shhh… I can hear you. You don't need to talk." Toby wanted her to conserve her strength to get better as well as a bit of a selfish motive in wanting to have a few more moments alone with her before anyone else came in to check on her.

**++ Shooter? ++** An image of Victor Clooney came to her mind.

"Victor Clooney. He's dead." He looked away from her gaze. "He followed Frank and me back to my place… there was a struggle and Frank shot him. " I'm sorry for getting you involved … I'm sorry… - the words played across his mind but stayed off his lips. She could see the guilt on his face even if she couldn't hear the thoughts.

**++ Not your fault Toby ++** Charlie gave his hand a slight squeeze.

He wasn't going to accept forgiveness that easily. "We'll have that fight later… " Toby tried to smile. He was only half teasing. A nurse strode in to check on Marks and instantly started checking vitals seeing that the patient had regained consciousness.

"She needs her rest. And you look like you could use some sleep as well." The nurse briskly dismissed Toby as she worked.

"I'll come back later Charlie… " Welcome back he sighed with relief. Marks eyes were already closing again before he reached the door. With Charlie finally out of danger the fatigue he had been ignoring hit him full force. Toby noticed Oz was still hanging around, and he was in no shape to walk home.

"Hey Oz…" Toby's EMS partner turned at hearing his name. "Can you give me a lift home?" Toby didn't need to add the fact that he planned on dropping into bed as it was obvious that was the only thing he was capable of doing at the moment.

"Sure… let's go." Oz tossed off.

* * *

By the time Sergeant Becker received the call and made it back to the hospital to see that Marks was awake she had progressed to slightly sitting up and was much more lucid.

"Detective… good to see you awake." Becker nodded to her as he made his way across the room.

"Sergeant." She acknowledged him while still being conservative with her words.

"The doctors say if the next 24 hours look good you can head home to finish recovering. I don't want you arguing with the leave time either. You take the time you need to heal before coming back to work. The man who shot you is dead and we have not been able to detect any further threat so you should be safe at your place." Becker ran down the details.

"I know. Toby told me Cardea shot him. " Her head was still a bit foggy, but considering what she had been through her recovery was coming along well.

Toby? "Logan's been here?" the anger exploded in Becker's voice. "That cop wannabe is the reason you were caught in the cross fire to begin with. If he had –"

"Hey… it was my call. " Her voice wasn't full strength yet, but it held enough fire to stop Becker's ranting.

"Why is everyone defending him? He is dangerous and he won't stop till he gets someone killed. Or I guess he has already achieved that. " Becker's voice was gaining volume with the increased frustration and anger he was feeling.

Marks glared at him. "Toby has helped save lives." Her expression clearly said 'Back off'. "And the only person that ended up dead was the same man that tried to kill me and abduct Toby and Frank."

Anger spent for the moment, Becker lowered his voice. "He almost cost you your life Detective, and I think you better do some hard looking at who exactly Toby Logan is before you come back to the force as I don't want him anywhere near the station. Is that clear?"

"Clear. Sir." She clipped the words to show her anger, but knew better than to continue to fight this battle right now.

* * *

Toby woke up with his head still feeling like it was half stuffed with cotton, but at least it was no longer pounding from being pushed beyond reasonable limits. Hurriedly making some coffee to slug down before returning to the hospital to see how Marks was doing, he wondered where to go from here. He could no longer allow Charlie to be put in danger on his behalf. Yet how was he supposed to get to Frank without her help?

Every time life seemed to give him the smallest missing piece to the puzzle there seemed to be a price and a barrier he had to overcome. The fatigue was from more than lack of sleep. A lifetime of holding the line with his gift and trying to carve his place in a world that pushed back was taking a toll. He couldn't help but think what if he had simply continued to ignore his ability… shut it out rather than listen and try to help others… would he still be feeling so lost right now or would his life have the blissful illusion of normalcy. Toby shook off the luxury of wallowing in 'what if's and pulled himself up to go face the reality that had at least, in part, been his choosing.

Turning towards the hallway after locking his front door, he froze. There at the end of the hallway stood the last person he expected to see today – Ethan Darnell. The last encounter with his long lost brother was anything but sweet yet Ethan's demeanor seemed different. Was it simply Toby's imagination or did his younger brother look more ill at ease? Ethan shuffled his feet nervously as his eyes darted around This was quite a contrast to the cocky grin and bold posture of their first meeting. Something had happened and that made Toby cautious yet curious.

**++ We need to talk. ++** Ethan directed the thought to Toby, but didn't move nor speak aloud. The thought was tinged with a good measure of desperation. Whatever reason Ethan had for returning, it was clear that he needed something from Toby, which gave him a bargaining chip. **++ Not here. Somewhere where we won't be seen. Follow me. ++** Making eye contact to ensure it was clear that this was not a request, Ethan then turned and walked quickly down the hallway, just fast enough to stay ahead of Toby but not so quickly as to completely lose him either.

The moment Ethan began to step away, Toby moved to follow. He was unsure as to what would come of Ethan's reappearance, but Toby was not going to let his brother slip away a second time without finding out more. There were only moments between Ethan's disappearing from view and Toby rounding the corner yet that was enough time for Ethan to have hopped on the elevator and started to close the door. **++ Lobby. ++** Toby snatched at the one word direction as he ran to the stairs to catch up. Upon crashing out of the stairwell Toby's eyes frantically searched without finding Ethan. **++ Meet me at the Park a few blocks down. Alone. ++ ** Toby wasn't sure what Ethan was up to, but curiosity and confusion soon made way for a rising anger. Not losing any time, Toby raced to the nearby park where he saw Ethan standing at the entrance to a grove of trees a few feet away. Once it was clear the two had seen each other Ethan slowly turned to enter the seclusion of the line of trees. Something in the back of Toby's mind screamed caution, but there was no turning back. Two steps into the trees Toby heard the click of a gun being cocked and he instinctively raised his hands.

"What kind of game are you playing Ethan?" Toby kept his voice level despite his racing heartbeat.

"Insurance. I can't imagine you are too fond of me given our first meeting and I need to know you won't try any heroics." Ethan's voice no longer rang with the superiority of before. In fact there was a certain resignation to it even though he was the one holding the gun.

Toby puzzled over the conflicting signals, and he slowly turned to look at Ethan. "Why are you here?"

"I need to find out the truth. Or at least your version of it. Seems everyone has their own little corner of truth these days. " His steady gaze watched Toby closely but more with a curious hunger than malice.

"You probably know more than me man." Toby tried to get a feel for Ethan's current state to see how far he could risk going. Carefully keeping his hands in plain sight, he inched closer to Ethan as he spoke and watched for a reaction.

"Stay where you are… don't get any closer." There was a note of panic in his voice as Ethan's hand holding the gun shook. Yet Toby continued to inch forward. Ethan started to back up in order to keep out of arms reach.

Toby stopped and put his hands down to his side. "You aren't going to shoot me. " It was said with more conviction than was felt, but the fear that had crept into Ethan's eyes emboldened Toby. "Why don't you put down the gun Ethan. You don't need it." To further prove his point, Toby sat down on the ground to show he was not going to try to attack.

Wearily, Ethan lowered the gun, but did not fully put it away. He was still more than a quick lunge or arms reach away from Toby and he was standing so he could make a break for it if he had to.

"You lied to me." The hurt showed through with the accusation Ethan hurled at Toby. "She's alive."

She? Maya… he had to mean their mother. Toby's body electrified, but he held very still so as not to spook Ethan into disappearing again. "I didn't know then. I told you what I thought to be the truth. "

"Why should I believe you? How did you find out if what you say is true?" Ethan's eyes narrowed in challenge.

Toby's mind whirled with indecision about how much to reveal. Choosing to not bring Frank into it, he responded with the information he had directly received. "I got a hit… it was different than the others. It was coming right for me… there was an accident, and I saw her in the car."

Not trusting this to be the whole truth Ethan reached into Toby's mind to search for confirmation. There he saw it in Toby's memory… the same vision Ethan had gotten while on his way to Toronto from the Institute. Toby was telling the truth about that much of it anyway, but there was more that his older brother had chosen not to say. "Who is Frank Cardea? " The hand with the gun rose a littlein an unconsciously defensive gesture.

Startled at what Ethan could do, Toby's eyes went wide and he flailed around for the words to explain. "Frank was sent by Maya to find me… I don't know why. He was injured when he first came here and is suffering a great deal of memory loss." Deciding it was better to come up with the information before Ethan could pick it out of his mind, Toby continued on. "There was one other man who claimed to have been sent by Maya, but I don't know anymore who he was connected to. His name was Victor Clooney."

The name definitely got a reaction from Ethan as the information hit him like a blow to the chest. Ethan stumbled back a pace and grabbed hold of the nearest tree and slumped down. The gun lay by his hip, still in his hand but half forgotten. Toby instinctively started forward to check on him then stopped at Ethan's sharp look of distrust.

"Who was Victor Clooney?" Toby was sure Ethan had to know for the name to have caused him to crumple to the ground.

"Was?" Ethan questioned the tense used.

Toby nodded. "He's dead."

One of the missing pieces was now beyond Ethan's reach of ever knowing. There was no sense in hiding the fact now. "He was my father." Ethan sighed in forlorn frustration at having the chance to learn more from that source stolen away.

"Your …" Whatever Toby had imagined it was not this. Swallowing hard, he asked a question that both terrified and compelled him. "Was he… I mean – " Toby was having a hard time getting the words out but was saved from having to voice the question by Ethan cutting him off.

"Victor Clooney was *my* father. You were almost four when he first met Maya. " Ethan confirmed.

While still not knowing who his father was, Toby breathed a sigh of relief that it had not been the same man who had caused such horrible chaos and near tragedy in his life. A few seconds behind this relief came the gnawing question of what information Ethan had about their past.

"Exactly how much do you know? Do you know where Maya is?" Toby rushed forward hoping that there finally was another avenue to find his mother.

Ethan eyed Toby still not trusting him enough to share everything he had found out from his exploration of the minds of those at the top chain of the Institute. There was still the question of if Toby was his brother why he had never looked for Ethan all those years growing up. "Not until you tell me why you never came looking for me." The hard shell that had developed over the years cracked with the sound of a little boy's plaintive cry of 'why'.

Toby stopped a moment to really look at things from Ethan's perspective. True the long string of foster homes had been a less than ideal childhood, but he did have Ray to count on and he had been shielded in a manner from those who would prey on him for his talents. Ethan had not had the luxury of someone who cared more for him than what he could do with his ability; nor did he have any memories of a mother regardless of how fleeting or scattered. Why would Ethan trust him or anyone else in the world when everything he had known had been a lie or deliberate exploitation of his abilities?

"I'm sorry…" words failed Toby at how to explain in a way that would be believed. The genuineness of the raw emotion echoed in the simple words. "I spent most of my life trying to shut people out of my head. Memories of before I was brought here to the orphanage were blocked out till recently – I didn't know I had a brother. " Ethan looked hard into Toby's face wanting to take his words at face value and yet not knowing how to. The unveiling misery in Ethan's eyes stung Toby. "You're right. I should have tried. Even if I didn't know exactly how to find you I should have tried sooner to find out about my past. I'm sorry… I was afraid of what I would find. I was afraid I would drown in the sea of other people's minds. "

Suddenly uncomfortable with the level the conversation had fallen to; Ethan pushed himself up and started to fiddle nervously with putting the gun back in the holster hidden under the back of his jacket. Toby stayed still knowing that any sudden move was likely to result in Ethan disappearing again.

"Please… do you know where Maya is… do you know if our … our mother is … how she is?" Toby pleaded stumbling over the question that had become an consuming obsession.

Ethan started to turn away to leave while keeping Toby in his peripheral vision then stopped after a few steps. "I don't know where she is… or if she is still alive." He tossed back over his shoulder. Ethan started walking away again while Toby stood up intending to follow after him. **++ Don't follow me… I'll get back to you… brother. ++ ** The last word had been added with hesitation and uncertainly as if Ethan was trying it on for size to see if it fit. It was hard for Toby to allow him to walk away, but the risk in following him was to drive him away for good. Trust had to start somewhere, and it seemed that it was going to start with Toby.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Becker had left with Marks still seething over their disagreement regarding Toby. She sat alone in the hospital room trying to reach back in her memory in order to pull all the pieces together. Victor Clooney had been looking for Toby and he was on the camera from Ray's office, but how much did they really know about him? Logan's past was still shrouded in half recalled images. Shadow facts that were missing from even the most basic investigation, and yet that initial search had caused Ethan Darnell to infiltrate the department to spy on her and Toby. Not long after that Frank Cardea had appeared then Clooney. It all had to be connected somehow. **++ Find the connection and you find your answers. ++** She thought to herself.

"No." Toby had entered her room without her noticing as she had been too deep in trying to analyze the information. The one word brooked no argument with his eyes wide both in determination and almost realized fears. Puzzled at first, Charlie soon realized he must have picked up on her mental reasoning.

"You can't order me off a case. Especially not this one. He tried to kidnap you, and shot me. I intend to find out what was behind it all." What had started out as helping Toby learn about his past had now become personal to her.

"Charlie it was because of me that all this happened. You have to stay away from it." I can't protect you and I don't want anything to happen to you – the thoughts were kept to himself, but the emotion showed in his eyes.

She took a deep breath. "Toby, I know you feel responsible, but I'm a big girl and I can make my own decisions. " Her tone was slightly mocking, but not harshly so. "Besides I'm going to be on the sidelines for a while anyway." She gestured to her bandages, and her tone softened when she saw the near panic in his eyes. Charlie took a good close look at Toby. "You look like you haven't slept in days."

"Something like that." A half grin played across his features as he leaned back in the chair next to her bed.

"So catch me up. What's been going on since I landed here?" She eyed him quizzically.

There was no way around it… to tell her about what he had been doing would draw her further into the whole mess. He sighed and looked at her with an expression between pleading for her not to ask and sorrow for promising her he would never hold anything back. "My mother's alive… was alive … is still…. I don't know. I got a hit of her in an accident … Clooney was involved somehow. Went to look for her, but all I found was her abandoned car off the side of a bridge with nothing to follow up on. She was gone. Frank is in custody for shooting Clooney and he is still having memory problems." Toby looked deflated after the quick summary as if the information had been holding him up and now that it was all laid out there was nothing left. "I don't have any way of finding her."

She absorbed the break down and nodded. "How do you know it was her car?"

"I saw her driving it… the wreck – " images of the hit played through his mind again.

"But what if it was a rental or a friend's car? Just because she was driving doesn't automatically mean it was her car." She clarified the question.

It was so obvious a question, but in all that had happened Toby never stopped his headlong rush to consider it. The car had been recovered by the local authorities, and when there had been nothing inside to lead him to Maya, Toby started searching for another way to find her. "Charlie you're a genius." He placed an impromptu kiss on her forehead startling them both. Chagrined at his sudden display of affection he quickly made an excuse to dash out. "I'm going to check with the authorities in Auburn to see who the car was registered to." He was definitely flustered, and it showed in his movements and voice as he shuffled out into the hallway.

Toby headed down to the nurse's station to see if Olivia was still on duty before he left the hospital.

"No she took off early about an hour ago." The brunette behind the desk responded.

"OK thanks Gretchen …" he smiled and grabbed his phone as he walked to the exit. He dialed information then was quickly connected to the police station in Auburn.

* * *

Olivia sat alone in her living room with the lights dimmed. She had to get hold of herself, and she couldn't do it at the hospital with all the demands of the ER surrounding her. The cup of tea in her hands had grown cold as the doctor mentally went through the last several hours. Sleep had been on the scarce side for her as well since the start of the roller coaster ride that had begun with the news of Toby's mother being alive and the revealing of his gift.

Since learning that he could read her thoughts her mind had been trying to recall everything she had ever hidden from him. All the times that he was mysterious and distracted that were connected to his secret flooded her memory. Olivia had tried to tell herself that knowing his secret would be a good thing… that now there would be no more frustrated lack of answers to her questions. However always feeling on guard about what you were thinking was turning out to be adding unexpected stress to their relationship rather than benefiting it. Her head hurt with trying to sort it all out, and the soft knock at the door was not a welcome sound.

Toby had taken the bus over to her place. This afforded him the opportunity to talk to the Auburn police on the ride over. The car had not been registered to Maya, but the company name the car was registered to was another unknown to add to the growing list of mysterious clues that didn't seem to fit anywhere yet. His mental notes version of a To do List was quickly overflowing, but first he needed to check in on Olivia as he said he would.

"Liv?" He called through the door as he knocked a second time. Not wanting to reach out to listen to her unless it couldn't be avoided, he tried to wait patiently for her to answer. Finally the door swung open, and he turned to see her standing there stiffly.

"I'm all right Toby… I just want to be alone." Her lip quivered a little and she couldn't meet his eyes.

"You don't look all right." Toby was not one to let those he cared about push him away when he thought they needed him.

Sighing she stepped aside to let him in. There was no use in trying to get him to leave till he was assured that she would be OK. They both walked over to the couch and sat down in silence. "Don't ." She spoke first without meeting his steady gaze.

"Don't what?" he tried to take in the non verbal cues to assess how badly shook up she was.

"Don't get inside my head." The annoyed tone showed that she had assumed he was actively listening to her thoughts.

"I'm not. Liv… talk to me. It's not like you to let anything get you this rattled." Toby pleaded.

Finally raising her head to look into his concerned and puzzled eyes she tried to explain. "I'm usually more alert to my surroundings than that… that guy came out of the blue. There was no warning…"

"You've dealt with people in hostile states in the ER before… but something about this is different..." Her reluctance to talk to him was becoming frustrating, but he resisted the urge to find out for himself by opening his barriers. He knew Olivia was already uncomfortable about his gift and he didn't want to make it an issue between them.

**++ I'm losing myself to you! ++** The thought pounded through with such anger, but it only confused him more. He reached out to put his hand over hers but realized a moment too late that was a mistake. The touch had been instinctive to comfort her, but it also turned up the volume on her mental images to the point that Toby could not shut them out. **++ I can't even have any privacy in my own head! Can't live like this. Always second guessing my thoughts. ++ **Toby snatched his hand back quickly to break the connection. He turned away trying to compose his expression so as to not let on what he had seen.

"Toby?" She didn't understand why he pulled back but then she jumped to the right conclusion. "You looked into my head didn't you?" Anger flared in her voice.

"Olivia I didn't try to … it just broke through." He insisted

"Get out! Get out of here now. " This was the last straw that broke her tenuous hold on her nerves. "I can't take this anymore Toby. I need you to leave me alone."

"You don't mean that … Liv, you're upset " Trying to calm the situation, he kept his voice level and low.

"Yes your damn right I'm upset." She stopped yelling and took a deep breath. Lowering her voice she spoke with tight control, "Look I simply need some time alone. I know you mean well, but please leave."

"I'll go … but give me a call OK. I'm worried about you." The sentiment was genuine, and his soft tone deescalated the tension.

"Later… please just go." She was nearly in tears. His sad eyes met hers as he nodded then let himself out the door.

Alone in the room she slumped down on the couch and cried till her head started throbbing again.

* * *

The next morning Oz slowly made his way to the lockers dreading another day of Doug. To his astonishment and delight, there stood Toby in his EMS uniform.

"Toby! You're back? Tell me you're back, man… " The bubbling excitement almost caused Toby to laugh.

"Yeah I'm back… can't stay on leave forever and things are starting to stabilize a bit now with Charlie being discharged and me finally catching some solid sleep." He slapped Oz's back and headed for the truck.

They climbed in and Oz almost jumped into the seat for joy. "Hey man how is Olivia doing? She seemed pretty shaken up and I've not seen her in today."

"She's… dealing. Think Liv just needs some time to regroup. Probably called in today is all. " The episode at her apartment the night before skittered through his mind, but he shrugged it off as being temporary. Olivia always bounced back. "Checked on her last night and she wanted some time alone." Toby glossed over the worst parts of the encounter hoping Oz wouldn't persist.

"Uh – huh … then why are you soo distracted? Any news on your mom?" Oz was well aware of the toll the non productive search for Maya had taken on his partner.

"Not exactly…" The hesitant reply was drawn out as Toby thought over the possibilities that Ethan's reappearance may have to offer.

"Meaning?" Oz pressed the issue.

"Meaning Ethan is in town. " Toby had mentioned before the discovery of the other telepath who might be his brother that was taken as a baby, but had left out many of the more disturbing details.

"Ethan? As in long lost brother and fellow mind reading dude? That Ethan?" the news almost caused Oz to swerve out of his lane.

"That would be the one. Hey you need me to take the wheel?" Toby half teased.

"Very funny… you lay a bomb like that on me and then joke about it. What does he want? Does he know about Maya? " Oz snickered then questioned.

"Not sure exactly what he knows. He's not the sharing type. He knows more than he's saying that is for sure, but why and what he is hiding is yet to be seen. I believed him when he told me he doesn't know where Maya is now. Think that is why he came here … to see if I knew. " Toby puzzled out loud.

"Where is he now?"

"Somewhere close … he's supposed to contact me again."

"Let me get this straight… Ethan shows up, has a nice little chat with you and you don't even follow the guy to find out where he is staying. " Oz shook his head.

"Didn't seem the prudent thing to do. Did I mention he had a gun?" the words dripped with sarcasm from Toby's smug expression.

"Oh… well that's diff- a gun?" Oz was starting to consider taking Toby up on his offer to drive if his partner didn't stop tossing out these heart stoppers. Trying to reign in his surprise he dropped his voice back to a forced conversational tone. " So when is he supposed to contact you again? "

"Don't know – " Toby was cut off by a call coming in for an elderly male who had fallen down a flight of stairs.

"Hold that thought … time to get moving. " Oz flipped on the lights and rushed to the call.

* * *

"Thanks guys… I've got it from here." Detective Marks waved to the two fellow detectives who had driven her home from the hospital and double checked to make sure she didn't need anything before leaving. She closed the door and turned to look at the empty apartment. "Great… now what am I going to do to keep from going out of my mind with boredom."

After twenty minutes of flipping through channels on the television and glancing over her dusty bookshelf she eased her way into the sofa. Her mind simply wouldn't leave the Clooney case alone even though she had been warned to rest and stay away from anything police work or Toby Logan related during her recovery and this obsession hit on both counts. Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission she decided as she picked up the phone.

"Hey Elliot… you got a minute?" She called the evidence department and was pretty sure she could count on her friend to keep her request quiet. "While I'm stuck here on sick leave I wanted to go through the Clooney case notes and evidence."

"Clooney? The guy who shot you … I thought that case – " the clerk started to preamble a denial, but Marks cut him off.

"I'm calling in a favor. You owe me, and I need those files without Becker approving it." There was a hesitation on the other end of the line, but then he came back with a plan to get her the info without raising suspicion.

"You're the best… and next time the drinks are on me." Charlie hung up satisfied that she now would have the chance to research in peace and get the answers she needed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Toby walked to his apartment door glad the first day back on the truck was over. As he approached the frosted glass window he could see the envelope taped to the glass with the carefully printed name TOBY in black ink across the front. Glancing around as he opened the envelope he felt the hairs on the back of his neck bristle.

South Entrance of the park. 8pm - Alone.

He checked his watch… the meeting was in half an hour. There was no name attached to the note, but it had to be Ethan. Toby grabbed a quick bite to eat then headed off to find out what his brother had to say this time.

Darkness had not quite engulfed the park when Toby saw Ethan standing a few feet away with a backpack slung over one shoulder. There was no gun in his hands this time which was a relief, but what could be in the backpack still gave Toby pause.

"Hey…" Toby nodded a greeting and sat down on the bench even though Ethan continued to stand while staring at him with hawk-like eyes.

"There's something you need to know. " Ethan scanned the area to make sure no one was close enough to see or hear them. He reached into the backpack and withdrew a small green journal. Reluctantly Ethan came to sit beside Toby so they both could see the writing on the pages. "I know why Maya was trying to find you. " Toby perked up anxious for the information, but resisting the urge to snatch the book from his brother's hand.

"She's careful not to list places or information that could be tracked back to find her, but she did write about her condition… it was getting worse. " A hand caressed the page with the handwritten lines from a woman he had never met.

"Condition?" The edge to Toby's voice was razor sharp.

"Recent medical scans were showing damage to…" He flipped over a couple of pages to find what he was looking for, "the right parahippocapal gyrus. " he read the words awkwardly as one completely unfamiliar with medical knowledge. "I don't know medical lingo – "

Toby leaned over to read the pages himself.

"but she seems to believe from some brain scans that her telepathic ability has damaged that part of her head." Ethan continued. "I think she wanted to warn you… not sure what could be done for her … or us if it's true." Feeling awkward at being so close, Ethan handed the book to Toby and stood up to put a few steps of distance between them. Toby was engrossed in the journal, but he glanced up to see where Ethan was headed.

"She wanted to warn you… guess Maya figured I was a lost cause." Pain underlay the forced laugh. Ethan stood a few feet away facing off from Toby. The paramedic closed the book.

"Where did you get this journal?" a thousand questions exploded in Toby's mind.

"You're not the only one that saw the car wreck… I went there and found it a few hours after the vision hit. Maya was gone, but the journal was lying on the floor of the passenger seat… the snow had already started to mask the foot prints leading away and I soon lost the trail."

"Footprints… she walked away then. She's out there." Toby whispered more to himself than anyone else.

"Yeah I guess she is. "

"We can find her. I know we can… if we just –" The excitement in Toby's voice was not shared by Ethan.

"What makes you so sure she wants to be found? Or at least by me… Do you have any idea what it was like to grow up at the Institute? To live your whole life being told that you were a freak not even a mother could love? " Years of bottled up pain and rage finally had an outlet and the emotional dam broke. Tears burst forth from Ethan's eyes as feelings long pushed aside washed over him.

"Maya didn't give you up Ethan. They took you from her arms… Clooney took you from her. I was watching from where I was hiding in the woods. She cried out for you, but couldn't stop him. She loved you." Toby's voice was intense with emotion trying to make Ethan understand, " I don't know why she never came back to either of us for the past twenty three years, but maybe …. Maybe she thought staying away from us would keep us out of danger. Maybe she was unable to get to us…. I don't know. What I do know is she needs us just as much as we need her."

"I don't NEED anyone. Learned a long time ago that I can't count on anyone but myself." The anger was winning out along with the underlying fear of trusting someone only to have that trust snatched away.

"You have to trust someone eventually. I can't say I know what you've been through, but I do know what it's like to be alone. This gift we share sets us apart … but it doesn't have to anymore. You have me." Toby had not moved from his sitting position on the bench in order to not risk Ethan taking off. Now he dared to stand up and move closer to the younger man who was desperately trying to survive his world having been turned upside down.

"You don't know me or what I've done." Ethan's eyes narrowed challenging Toby. **++ or what I'm capable of doing ++** the last bit blasted through Toby's mind like fire causing the paramedic to gasp and put his hands to the side of his head. "I'm a monster created by the Institute to destroy."

Toby blinked back the blinding pain in his temples and forced the words out, "You are my brother, and no one can change that."

"I'm no one's brother or son…" The gun was pulled from Ethan's pocket before Toby could react. In one sudden fluid movement Ethan brought the gun up to his temple and fired.

"Nooo!" Toby lurched forward, but he was not in time to stop the bullet from grazing Ethan's temple. The attempt to end his life had been fueled by rising emotion rather than well planned out despair, and that one fact probably saved Ethan's life. Toby put pressure on the gash aside his brother's head with one hand as he dialed 911 with the other. The gun and journal were dropped into the backpack and tossed over Toby's shoulder as he waited for the ambulance.

* * *

Charlie played back the footage of the robbery, frame by frame, till her eyes burned, looking for something to follow up on. She was about to give up for the night when suddenly her eye caught the glint of light off something metallic on the man's wrist. Zooming in and clarifying the image she could make out a cufflink that had shown on Clooney's wrist from underneath the glove. When he had reached in to grab the file the glove had momentarily lifted and the lamp behind him shown on the metal emblem. The symbol was not one she was familiar with but it was a starting place to unravel what ties Victor Clooney had to whoever wanted Toby.

After an unfruitful search of the internet for a way to identify the symbol on the cuff link, Charlie turned to the one piece of evidence she had not yet reviewed – Ray's file on Toby. The file had been recovered upon a search of Clooney's impounded car, and since the trial was still pending against Frank the file had been kept in evidence.

Her fingers hesitated at lifting the cover. It felt like snooping on a friend behind his back.

* * *

Arriving at the hospital with the ambulance and his brother unconscious on the stretcher Toby hurried through the double doors to see Dr. Warren on duty. Olivia must not be back yet… he wondered if she was indeed OK, but the more pressing concern of Ethan dominated his attention for now.

"Self inflicted gunshot wound to the head… Thankfully his hand jerked at the moment the gun went off and he has a nasty gash that will need stitches but shouldn't do any permanent damage." Toby shifted his concentration into thinking more like a paramedic to help quell the swirling emotions threatening to engulf him.

They wheeled Ethan into an exam area to get his head stitched up while Toby went over to the admission desk. Starting to fill out the form he hesitated on listing Ethan's last name as Darnell since that might be tied back to his recent impersonation of a police detective. Toby decided to cloak his brother as much as possible to forestall trouble, and put down Ethan Logan under patient name.

"Hey Gretchen – have you heard from Olivia recently? Isn't she supposed to be on shift?" The question was asked distractedly as Toby kept his eyes trained on Ethan across the way and handed her back the form.

"Olivia took some vacation time. Said she needed to get out of the city for a while. Don't expect her back till next week." The nurse accepted the form and started to input the data into the computer. Toby was a bit hurt that Olivia had not even mentioned leaving or said good bye, but he had more urgent matters to take care of than brooding.

Once the stitches had been completed Ethan was assigned a room so he could be held for observation pending X-ray results to ensure there was not further damage from the gunshot wound. Toby sat down to wait for Ethan to regain consciousness. The blow to the head when the bullet grazed him had knocked him out, but the doctor had confirmed that no permanent damage had been done. Toby was tempted to reach out to see if his brother was dreaming and perhaps find out more about him, but something kept him from doing so.

**++ Afraid of what you'll find? ++** The thought came at Toby unexpectantly as Ethan had not opened his eyes or given any outward indication that he was awake.

"Ethan? What the heck were you doing man…" Toby whispered eyes still wide and just beginning to catch a breath.

"Toby… need to talk to you a moment." The woman standing in the doorway motioned for him to come out. Dr. Lancer was from a few floors up - a staff psychologist with the hospital's psych ward.

He took one more look at Ethan who still lay there seemingly unconscious before joining her in the hallway.

"When you came in you said this wound was self inflicted?" She looked over the admitting notes.

"Yeah…" he kept his voice low, but doubted that would keep Ethan from hearing if he wanted to.

"Were you there?" the doctor was watching Toby closely. He nodded. "Tell me what happened."

"We were talking and he became very agitated then before I knew it he pulled a gun and fired. " He deliberately kept the report vague.

"What was the discussion about?"

"Family stuff… he's my brother - well half brother. "

"You don't have any idea what triggered him to try to shoot himself?"

He looked down and away. "No.."

The expression on her face showed that she didn't quite believe his answer, but Dr. Lancer didn't push the issue. "Does he have a history of self destructive behavior?"

"I don't know… we aren't exactly close. Didn't grow up together. " Toby shrugged. **++ They won't be able to keep me here. ++** Ethan had been listening and commented directly to Toby.

"He will need to be evaluated before being released. We'll give him some time to recover and then speak with him directly." She made some quick notes on the chart and then started to walk away.

Toby slipped back into Ethan's room. His brother's eyes were still closed and he had not moved. "Look I know you can hear me… I will be back in a little bit. Hang in there." It was a risk, Toby knew it, but he needed to bring Ray up to speed and get his help.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Ray Mercer sat at his office desk reviewing notes for his next lecture when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in…" he looked up to see who his visitor was as he was not expecting anyone.

Toby hustled in and shut the door behind him. "Ray, I need your help."

The professor knew the paramedic well enough that such an entrance bereft of small chit chat was serious and likely meant there was a crisis. "Tell me what's wrong?"

Taking a deep breath Toby now regretted not mentioning Ethan before when his brother had first revealed himself. "I told you before that I remembered having a brother? " Ray nodded. "He's here."

"Here? " Ray asked for clarification.

"In Toronto… specifically at St. Lukes. " Ray appeared to be at a total loss how to make sense of this lone fact out of the larger story.

"Back up Toby… start at the beginning. How do you know this man is your brother?"

"His name is Ethan… he first showed up shortly after we had done the hypnosis to open the memories to my past… he disappeared before I learned much, but then a couple days ago he came back and he's looking for Maya as well. There was a journal in the car with Maya when she crashed… he has it." Toby was excitedly moving about the room as he explained, "She's out there somewhere… she walked away from the crash. "

Partially stunned by the weight of the news, Ray was still missing a piece. "What happened that Ethan ended up in the hospital?"

That's the part that Toby was not looking forward to sharing as it spoke to an unstableness on Ethan's part. "He had a gun and … he was upset and then he tried to shoot himself."

"Toby – " Ray started in astonishment.

"I know I should have told you before… " Toby cut Ray off.

"He could have shot you … What proof do you have that this man is even who he says he is?"

"The name might not be real," He admitted, "but he is my brother. He has the gift."

By the time Ray and Toby made it back to St. Lukes, Ethan was nowhere to be found.

"I shouldn't have left his side." Toby chastised himself as he and Ray sat in the ER waiting area.

"What's important now is that we figure out what his next move will be. Did he make contact with anyone else while he was in town?" the question was meant to calm and focus Toby, but the reaction gained was just the opposite.

"Charlie…"

* * *

Marks was standing in her kitchen pouring a cup of freshly brewed coffee when the sharp knock at the door jolted her attention away from the pot almost causing her to spill the steaming liquid. Muttering to herself she stormed to the door as a second round of increased banging started.

"I'm coming already!" She yelled towards the door and grimaced at the pain her increased speed caused her still tender wound. Glancing through the peep hole she was met with the image of a near frantic Toby Logan pacing the hallway in front of her apartment. She jerked the door opened as Toby raised his fist for another round of knocking.

The relief on his face at seeing her apparently safe and only slightly annoyed was evident. "Charlie…" suddenly he didn't have a good opening as to why he had shown up unannounced.

"What's up that you feel the need to break down my door?" the annoyance faded from her voice as she glanced over the work notes lying all over the apartment. His eyes riveted to hers had thankfully not yet noticed the file folders strewn over the couch and chair. At her change in demeanor he looked around. While it was true that he was no cop, Toby seriously doubted that she would be assigned a case while on medical leave.

He picked up the nearest folder, opened it and scanned the top paper. It was the police report on Clooney from the robbery at Ray Mercer's office. From there his eyes landed on other notes and folders all connected to the case. One in particular caught his attention. Putting down the folder in his hands, he took two long strides to snatch up the one with the bold label at the top reading "Logan, Toby". It was the file that had been stolen from Ray's office. The folder that told all about his history, at least from the moment he met Ray, including some insights and experiences that he had not shared with anyone else. Emotions collided within him… relief that Charlie seemed safe, embarrassment at what she might now know about him, anger at the invasion of privacy, fear of what her reaction to him might be after knowing more about him, and fear for her as she became more deeply involved in his life.

"This file was stolen from Ray's office… " his words were quietly spoken, but held such intensity that there was only silence for several moments in response. There was also an unspoken question behind the obvious statement.

"Toby…" Charlie's voice was hesitant and faltered when he looked up at her with the clear eyes of a child contained in a man's face – wanting so much to trust yet not sure if he could. She averted her eyes but moved a step closer. "I had to read it. " Glancing back towards Toby, Charlie could see the struggle to keep his expression neutral. "I'm really not supposed to have any of these files… Becker would have my head if he knew. But I had to try to find out about the man who shot me. That file… it might have contained information connected to Clooney…" she tried to justify having reviewed it." Needing to focus on being elsewhere she darted back to the kitchen. "Just made a fresh pot of coffee, want some?" The invitation was a bit muffled from a couple rooms away but gave them both breathing space to regain their composure from the awkward moment.

Toby tried to draw in a breath. "No thanks.. " Ethan. The reason he was there in the first place popped back into his thoughts with renewed urgency. Marks came back into the room with her coffee and sat down opposite him.

"You still haven't told me why you're here. Don't say you're just checking in on me or I may have to deck you to show you how well I'm recovering. " The comic threat lightened the mood a little and even got a half smile from Toby before his expression turned grimly serious. There was no easy way to break into this.

"Ethan is back in town." Toby said plainly.

"Ethan? What does he want? How do you know?" Shakily she set down her cup as memories of Toby's brother flooded back to her mind and her pulse started racing.

"He contacted me a few days ago – " he started to explain, but was cut off.

"A few DAYS AGO!" Charlie's eyes widened and her voice rose in volume and pitch. "When were you planning on mentioning this?"

"Charlie, you were still in a coma at the time! Things have been moving a little quickly here." Toby took a breath and steadied his voice to a calmer level before continuing. "He received the same mental beacon I did regarding the car crash involving our mother. " He leaned in closer, "She walked away from the crash. There were still footprints and some items left behind when Ethan arrived on the scene. "

"That still doesn't explain why you showed up here frantically pounding on my door." She eyed him wondering what information he was leaving out.

Toby dropped his eyes, "the last time he and I talked things got a little out of hand and he almost shot himself."

"A little…" she gasped astonished at the casual way Toby was talking about Ethan's use of a gun, but stopped when he put up a hand asking her to let him finish.

"Emotions were running high and I don't think he meant to hurt himself or me. They checked him out at the hospital and said his injuries were superficial. I had left him there for a short time to go talk to Ray and when we got back he was gone." She still didn't quite understand why that would lead him here. "You are the only other person I know of that he contacted here. That's why I came both to check on you, and to see if I could pick up a trail on Ethan."

"Where's the gun?" her police training kicked in, causing the first thing for her to focus in on in the entire situation was the potential danger the unaccounted for weapon could pose.

He furrowed his brow, "I'm not sure. Probably still at the hospital. They wanted to keep him for psych evaluation, but his bag and other personal belongings had been picked up by the time I returned with Ray to the hospital. "

"Toby, what we have here is a very unstable telepath who, no insult intended, is far more powerful and dangerous than your ability has shown to be and who may be carrying a weapon and has disappeared into the city. I assume you don't have any clue as to his motive for being back or you wouldn't have come here hoping to pick up a trail based simply on the fact that he had contact with me while impersonating a police officer… which by the way is still a crime that he could be arrested for –" she laid out the situation but now it was her turn to be cut off by Toby.

"He's here to find out the truth." He insisted.

"The truth about what?" What was it about this entire mess Toby was refusing to grasp, she wondered.

"About his life… about who he is. Ethan was taken as a baby and told his whole life that his mother willingly turned away from him. Believed himself to be a freak and used by the same people that were after us then and are still after me even now. If Frank had not saved me and brought me to Ray, there is no guarantee that I would not have ended up just like Ethan. "

"And you believe that is his sole reason for returning? No hidden agenda? " her raised eyebrows challenged Toby.

Toby paused. He couldn't say for certain there was no alterior motive behind Ethan's quest for answers, but he believed his brother's pain and understood the hunger for answers to questions long pushed aside.

"Toby… you want to believe the best of people, and I admire that in you – I do, but sometimes I think that can blind you to what is really there. Especially in this case. " the words were spoken gently but firmly.

"I have to try to find him." The whisper was both a plea and a confession.

"I know. Just … be careful, OK?" There was nothing she could say to keep Toby from pursuing the matter as he had countless other times when the case had been less personal than his brother. Yet she still worried about him.

"I'll be OK. Soo if he does come by…" He grinned that boyish smile that caused Charlie to ruefully smile.

"You will be the first person I call…" **++ and police headquarters will be the second ++** She smirked.

"Hey… giving me a head start on the cops … nice." Glancing at his watch he stood and walked to the door then paused. The folder from Ray's office was still in his hand. Toby slowly turned back towards Charlie and offered her the folder. She reached out to take it with gaze downcast, but was forced to look up to meet his eyes in silent question as his grip was not allowing her to take the file.

"Knowing what's in those pages … maybe it will help you understand." His voice was strained with emotion held in check. Maybe what was in that folder would not only help her understand him, but help her realize why he couldn't turn his back on Ethan despite what common sense might dictate. Letting go of the folder and breaking eye contact he began to open the door, Toby noticed a small book sitting on the floor just outside Marks door that had not been there when he arrived. Hurriedly he looked up and down the hallway. At the far end of the hall there stood Ethan.

Charlie had seen the book as well from where she had been standing inside the apartment . She came to the door to stand beside Toby. Both stared unbelievingly at the other telepath for several seconds, and then Marks ducked inside to grab her gun.

"No! " Toby tried to get Charlie's attention to prevent the situation from escalating.

"I can't stay." Ethan called loud enough to be heard from his present location. ++ And you can't leave. ++ With that he was gone from view around the corner by the time Marks made it back with her gun.

"Charlie you can't go after him… let him go. Please." Toby was physically blocking the door, but his words had more impact than the physical obstacle he was presenting.

"Once Toby. I will let it go this once. " A last glance down the hall, and then she put the weapon back in its holster. "What's that?" she nodded toward the book on the floor.

He reached to pick it up then recognized it. "It's Maya's … my mom's… journal. "


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The lake spread out calmly meeting the setting sun in a picture perfect image of serenity. Yet Olivia didn't feel calm. Inside chaos swirled as she pulled her jacket a little tighter against the chill of the setting sun. This cabin had been in her family for years and when she was younger they would all come out here for a weekend or two. Mom, dad, and her sister all appeared together in childhood memories that played through her mind.

"Olivia?" the voice broke her out of her reverie. Olivia turned, surprised to see her mother coming up the walkway.

"Mom? What are you doing up here this weekend?" She had thought to have the cabin to herself in order to figure out some things in her life which the fast pace of the city simply did not allow time to question.

"Well your father was feeling cooped up and on the spur of the moment packed us up. He's getting some boxes out of the car. What on earth are *you* doing here? Sakes alive! I think it's been a good ten years since we had the chance to drag you up here!" Mrs. Faucett hooked her arm with her daughter's as she led the way into the cabin.

"Needed to get away from the city for a while is all." She tried to shrug it off as no big deal, but the tension showed in her forced smile.

"Problems at work?" the older woman's voice took on a more concerned tone.

"No… not really. I don't want to talk about work up here." She didn't want to tell her parents about the recent attack and have them worry and fuss over her.

Sitting down at the rough wooden table Mrs. Faucett wasn't going to give up that easily trying to find out what was troubling her little girl. "OK, if you don't want to talk shop… How are things going with that handsome young man, Toby? " She had only met Mr. Logan a few times, but he had certainly made an impression worth remembering.

"Fine mom, everything's fine." Her mother's eyebrows rose at that.

"Fine? Hmmm doesn't sound too cozy. You kids have been together about two years now, right?"

"Year and a half. " Olivia corrected, straining her neck to see if her father was coming yet so she could get this conversation on a different track.

"Seems like a long time for things to be just 'Fine'. "

"All right… it's been a little rocky lately." Through clenched teeth Olivia admitted that they were having some issues. Her mother would never simply leave a subject alone. She had to beat it down and personally sacrifice it on the fire.

* * *

It had been a long day and Toby was glad to finally be home. He set the journal carefully on the table while he grabbed a beer. For a while he simply stared at the seemingly innocent journal as he worked up the courage to open and read it.

There wasn't much about the present included in the handwritten pages, but there was a lot of reflecting on the past as Maya tried to understand how she had arrived where she was. Victor Clooney had discovered her from her involvement in a police case that she mysteriously solved, and he grew curious about her. Clooney had contrived a meeting to have an excuse to start getting the answers he sought. Not long after gaining her trust Maya told him of her ability to hear other's thoughts and know what they were thinking. She couldn't have known the malice behind his interest nor that he would go so far as to trade on her affections to further research goals born more of a hunger for power than knowledge. Finding out that her son shared her abilities only heightened Clooney's interest and caused him to tighten his grip on her. Clooney convinced Maya to stay at the institute to learn more about her and her son's gifts. Before Maya uncovered the true nature of his interest, she discovered she was pregnant by Clooney. He took the news with a glint in his eyes that began to truly frighten her, and it was then that she started to try to find a way to break free.

It took months for Maya to find someone within the Institute that would help her. Frank was only a low level cleaning attendant, but he had a good heart and could see the torment in her eyes. Even with inside help it took months before an escape could be arranged to circumvent Clooney's security measures. The trailer had been a quick half way point that was hastily utilized when Maya had started to go into labor earlier than anticipated. Frank was off securing the second half of the journey for Maya and her sons when Clooney showed up. How he found them, she never knew. With her baby taken from her, she was all the more desperate to protect her other son. The leap off the cliff into the river was indeed to try to keep Clooney from regaining control. Maya simply had been too panicked to consider the danger such a decision might pose.

The last few lines brought Toby to a halt with tears in his eyes.

_I hope he can forgive me for abandoning him to Frank, but I couldn't risk taking him back. I lost everything that day – both my sons. Maybe it's too late now to –_

The writing stopped suddenly as if she had been interrupted. Toby closed the book, and put his hands over his face. His shoulders shook as the racking sobs overtook him.

* * *

The night air against her skin felt good as Olivia sank down into the deck chair to gaze up at the stars. Her mother finally had drifted off to sleep, and now maybe Olivia could get back to focusing on her own thoughts.

"Hey Bookworm… " Olivia's father affectionately called her by her childhood nickname as he brought out two steaming cups of hot chocolate and offered her one.

"Thanks Dad…" she gave a slight smile despite the unrequested company.

He sat down quietly in the chair across from Olivia. For several minutes they listened to the sounds around them without saying a word. Unlike her mother, Mr. Fawcett would allow his daughter to come to him if she needed help instead of trying to dig into her life. Time had proven that such an approach worked better with his very independent daughter.

"Something just isn't fitting with my life… and I'm not quite sure what it is." She finally confessed softly.

"What happened to spark you coming up here after all this time? " his tone showed concern yet left how much to expose up to her.

Olivia hesitated a moment glancing back to the cabin where her mother slept. There had often been events in her life that her mother would have grabbed onto to insert herself further into the problem whereas her father would take it in stride and allow himself to be a good sounding board.

"There was an incident at work with a junkie that came in … he grabbed me and held me at knife point for a while. I don't know why I'm letting it get to me so much." She shook her head softly trying to minimize the experience.

"Could it be what happened at work is not the real issue? I know you have had close calls before working in that ER yet this is the first time you seem thrown." Mr. Fawcett was a very insightful man who knew his daughter well, and wasn't afraid to play devil's advocate when the situation warranted it.

Olivia knew learning Toby's secret weighed heavily into her current state, but what could she say. 'I'm upset because I found out my boyfriend can read minds'. No, she couldn't tell her father what was really bothering her. Still he had picked up that the real issue was not the most obvious excuse she had tossed out to him. She decided to try to bring up Toby, but deal in more vague relationship issues.

"Toby and I have been having some issues lately." Lately? Was that really the truth? As she heard the words leave her mouth she knew better. There had always been barriers between them. Learning about his ability didn't make those barriers go away … if anything it had complicated the situation even more. She thought back to when they first met and how she had been reluctant to go out with him. But with his boyish good looks and charm he had convinced her to go out on a date. Before she knew it, that one date was a relationship that they had been trying to save almost since it began.

"Do you love him?" Olivia snapped out of her wandering down the past to stare at her father. He certainly knew how to get to the heart of an issue. Her lack of an immediate answer said more than any words could have.

"We've been together for a while now…" Olivia hedged on her reply.

"That's not what I asked. Do you love him?" his eyes bore into his daughter's and she couldn't think of a good evasive answer.

"No… ", it was only a whisper, "no… I guess I don't. We… he has tried so hard to make this relationship work, but it doesn't. " A soft sadness welled up in her. Not the grief of losing something dear, but the acknowledgement of a truth long denied.

"Then why are you still seeing him?" the question wasn't a judgment, but rather a gentle push to action.

"He's a great guy… and I know breaking up with him would hurt him. And we do have fun sometimes…" 'when he's not driving me nuts' she silently finished the thought.

Mr. Fawcett took the cup from his daughter's hand and set it aside to hold her hand between his as he looked her in the eyes earnestly. "Olivia, you say you don't want to hurt him, but you need to see that staying with him when you don't truly love him will end up hurting you both more than you know. It's your life, honey, and only you can decide what to do with it."

Admitting to herself that she really didn't belong with Toby, and her father's heartfelt honesty brought tears to Olivia's eyes. He kissed her on the forehead as he used to do when she was little and went back inside. It was a long time before Olivia got to sleep that night.

* * *

The next morning Charlie walked into her living room and her eyes landed on the folder from Ray's office lying closed on the table. Walking over slowly Charlie flipped to the back of the file where the earliest reports were kept. An intake photo of Toby pulled at her heart – there was so much intelligence as well as misery in those young eyes.

The folder was rather thick and she had finished reading it completely, but she needed to learn all she could to trace back the bread crumbs the investigation had left her with. She once again scanned through scribbled notes, computer print outs, photos, even data discs labeled with dates.

Suddenly an idea hit her. Why not talk to the creator of the file to see if he could give her some insight or a link to follow up on from what she had gathered off the videotape. Picking up her phone she dialed Ray Mercer's number.

"Hello you have reached the office of Dr. Ray Mercer…" the recorded voice droned on to list the available office hours of the professor, and Charlie jotted them down on a pad of paper by the phone. There was about an hour before she would be able to reach Mercer at his office. This would give her time to do a little more digging online to see if she could track down more information about Ethan now that he had put himself back in the picture.

* * *

"Heard back from Olivia yet?" Oz was cruising the streets in the ambulance glad Toby was back riding shot gun, but a little concerned over his partner's quieter than usual demeanor.

"No… she's still on leave." Toby really didn't want to talk about it since things with Olivia had been tense at best when she left and not hearing back from her at all was not a good sign.

"Toby… what is the deal with you?" Following Toby's 'gimmie a break we've been down that road look' Oz's tone became more serious. "I'm talking as a friend here. You two have been doing this tug of war for a long time now and I don't see things getting any better. "

Toby had to admit his friend was right even though he didn't want to concede that the relationship with Olivia might well indeed be over for good this time. How many times before had she broken it off only for Toby to cajole her into giving him one more shot? Now there was this issue with his mother being alive and his elusive brother popping in and out of town. Not to mention that she had not been too thrilled to hear about his gift. Oz had accepted it right off because he was Oz and Toby's best friend. Toby was grateful for his quick and complete acceptance even if it did mean having to play telepathic wing man occasionally. Even Charlie had accepted his ability with only minor hesitation and disbelief despite her predisposition to question such things inherent with being a police detective. Yet with Olivia her knowing seemed to make things worse not better between them.

Toby had beat himself up with 'what if's..' in thinking maybe if he had told Olivia in the beginning or maybe if he had not told her at all that things would be different between them now. But disclosure had gone so well with two others outside of Ray he had gotten careless with his secret. But the truth came down to Olivia was not dealing well with his gift, and this might be the last straw that broke them up for good. Strangely that thought brought a sense of relief or a lifting of a weight rather than the sadness he would have expected.

"Maybe not Oz… Maybe things aren't getting better. I just don't know, man. Telling her about the telepathy… I thought that would solve things you know. Wouldn't have to mislead her about how I knew things or where I was going… but it ain't working out that way. Not working out that way at all… " Toby sighed and ran his hand over his face looking very tired. Oz hadn't expected this response from his partner after so many similar conversations going the way of Toby telling him things were fine and to butt out.

"Hey I got your back, man. Remember?" Oz attempted to pull Toby back up from the black fog that had descended on him.

"Yeah I know, man. I know." The smile was genuine despite the tiredness remaining etched upon his face.

* * *

**Author note: I have about another ten pages of this story already written, but I'm having trouble finding an ending point for this story so that it does not start to develop into issues that I want in my next story. There will be some issues that continue into third story in the arc just as first season spanned Toby's past across multiple arcs. Will put up the rest as soon as I can – Feedback helps to spark ideas on where to tie up loose ends therefore any constructive feedback is appreciated.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Ray Mercer barely had time to settle down into his chair before Charlie Marks knocked on his door.

"Detective… come in. " Mercer gestured towards a chair opposite his desk as Charlie closed the office door behind her and walked over. "What can I do for you?"

She looked the professor over appraisingly while deciding how to begin. "I need to talk to you about Toby. "

Concern played across Ray's face, "Has something happened? Is he alright?"

"He's fine… it's not that." She stood back up and started to pace back and forth around the chair. "I'm trying to tie up loose ends on the Clooney file and was reading through your case file on Toby –"

"You what?" Anger at having his file on Toby accessed filled the older gentleman's voice. "That file is privileged information. You have no right to –"

"It's part of a murder investigation and yes I do have the legal right to review evidence pertaining to the case. I also believe the answers to finding out who sent Clooney and what they were after could be in that file as well." Emotions were running high and the two of them glared at each other.

"Legal right… what about Toby's ethical right to privacy and confidentiality!" After a few beats of silence Ray managed through clenched teeth, "he considers you a friend." Fire seethed in his eyes.

"Toby knows. " Her gaze faltered a bit, and her voice returned to a more neutral tone. "He was at my place earlier and saw the file. He knows I read it and he's OK with it. "

Anxious worry replaced the fire of anger in Mercer's expression. "Did Toby read the file?"

It seemed an odd question to Charlie. Why would Mercer be concerned about Toby reading his own file? Unless… "You're hiding something, aren't you? " Eyes hardened and she came to stand directly in front of the desk where Mercer sat slightly wringing his hands, and refusing to make eye contact.

"Don't be absurd. What could you have possibly found of interest to the Clooney case in Toby's file?" He tried to dismiss her concern and changed the topic.

Alarm bells were going off in the detective's head, but pursuing issues between Dr. Mercer and Toby would have to wait for another day. She needed to learn what she could about the immediate threat. "What can you tell me about Toby's past before he came to you at age five? " There was no immediate response as the doctor seemed to be lost in private memories. "In the early notes there was a number listed for Maya… looked like you had called her and talked with her at some point. The number is disconnected and I can't trace where it once led to." Marks prompted.

"I can't tell you much I'm afraid… that number was just a pay phone and Toby was in such pain with no protection against the voices in his mind that my priority was in helping him cope with his ability. You already know Frank's link in the story I'm sure. Of how Frank brought Toby to me after he nearly drowned." She nodded. "That was the last I saw of him till Frank turned up here in the hospital trying to reach Toby. "

She didn't think he was telling her everything but clearly there were some things Mercer was not going to admit to. "What about Ethan … the man claiming to be Toby's brother… what can you tell me about him? "

"I didn't know he existed till very recently. I'm not thoroughly convinced that this man is Toby's brother." Ray crossed his arms and leaned back.

"Ever meet him?" she tossed back.

"No. Toby came to me about Ethan when he was in the hospital, but the man was gone by the time we returned. " 'Consider yourself fortunate' Charlie thought to herself. "Have *you* met him?" Ray turned the question back to her.

Not wanting to go into detail about what happened the last time Ethan was in town she kept her response vague. "Briefly. He seems to have inherited some of the similar … gifts Toby has. Don't know if he is connected to the people trying to find Toby or if he is just a side puzzle to pursue once the main threat has been identified and eliminated." Figuring she was not going to get anything more productive from Mercer she turned to go.

"Detective …" he called out to stop her and continued as she turned back to face him, "when can I get my file back?"

"It'll be held as evidence till Frank's trial is completed." She could tell he didn't like her answer, but knew nothing he said would get the file back to him sooner. He wanted to protect Toby that was clear, but how he was choosing to do so was questionable to Charlie. Trying once more to get answers she took a step back towards the desk, "I know you are just trying to keep him safe. So am I. But I don't believe keeping information from him is the best way to do that. What are you afraid of Toby finding out? "

"Detective, how much do you really know about Toby?" The question was a challenge obviously meant to imply that Ray knew Toby better and therefore was better suited to decide how to keep him out of harm's way.

"I know he needs answers. " She refused to back down.

"Even if those answers get him killed?" Ray pushed.

"I think that is up to him to decide. He's not a kid anymore." She sighed and sat back down. "Toby's past is catching up to him whether or not you want it to. "

"I didn't deliberately keep anything from him." Ray was looping back to the question Detective Marks had asked a couple of times now. "In the beginning there was too much to be done to help Toby establish barriers in his mind. The pain of so many thoughts was overwhelming, and then over time as he learned to better control his gift the details seemed unimportant -possibly would have done more harm than good. "

"We both are trying to protect him. Tell me what you can." Sympathy mixed with encouragement in her voice.

* * *

Olivia stood outside Toby's door. He wasn't home yet and she knew it. She had debated over the contents of the letter in her hand during the entire drive back home from the cabin. Every time she tried to break it off with Toby, he managed to put on that boyish grin and determination that won her back into one more date, or one try. She couldn't afford to continue this and a letter wouldn't give him any way to argue back. She had called the hospital and accepted the promotion offered to her a couple of weeks back. At the time she had not wanted to take the job as it would mean transferring out of the ER, but now that aspect was a perk rather than a drawback.

She bent down and slipped the envelope with Toby's name on it under the door and whispered, "I'm sorry, but it's for the best … for both of us. " Wiping away the tear that threatened to spill down her cheek, she turned and walked away down the hall and out of Toby's life.

* * *

The EMS calls had not let up all day, and Toby was exhausted and glad to be home where his mind and body could simply rest. The door swung in and he almost stepped on the envelope waiting on the floor inside. He blinked to clear his vision and picked up the personally delivered note while confusion filled his mind. The writing was familiar, but he had not heard from Olivia since the night of the ER attack. Something in his stomach became very cold and knotted. He tossed the forgotten keys on the table and sank down on the couch to read.

Toby,

Forgive me for not telling you this in person, but I can't risk being drawn in again for one more go.

We've been trying to fix this relationship and hold on to it for almost as long as we have been together. It's not working and we both know it. Yet neither of us completely leaves so we continue this dance.

You and I simply don't go well together, and the added pressure of knowing you can read my thoughts simply is the final breaking point. This goes deeper than this last impasse, and if you are honest you know that too.

I've accepted a position outside of the ER to give us both some space. Take care of yourself Toby. Maybe after some time we can be friends.

Olivia

He stared at the letter in disbelief. She actually called it off. Toby folded the letter and placed it back in the envelope then tossed it aside. His mind reeling from everything going on at once, Toby flipped some music on and lay down on the couch to close his eyes and shut the world out.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Charlie couldn't believe what she had learned from Dr. Mercer. How did he justify keeping this information from Toby all these years? While it was true that Ray didn't know where Maya was now he had at one time. There were clues that could be followed to trace where his mother had been, and perhaps from there they could find where she had gone. Charlie knew she had to share this new information with Toby and hope that it led to answers for both of them.

She knocked gently on Toby's door, but no one answered. Music was filtering through the door, and she started to grow concerned when a second more insistent round of knocking went unheeded. "Toby?" Marx called out. Nothing. She tried the door and moved forward cautiously when it easily swung open. Charlie saw him lying still on the couch then her eyes fell to the envelope lying upside down on the floor. She hesitated a moment before coming closer.

"No it's not a suicide note." Toby's voice rang out startling the detective before he opened his eyes and sat up. Toby noted her slight glare as he flipped off the music and turned on a lamp. "Liv decided to break things off." he explained indicating the envelope on the floor. Charlie's expression turned to anxious sympathy. She didn't always see eye to eye with Dr. Faucet but she knew they had been trying to work things out.

"Sorry Toby…" Charlie awkwardly attempted to fill the silence.

He shrugged it off with a cynical chuckle, "Should've seen it coming anyway." Seeing Charlie's confused expression he continued. "She couldn't take me constantly being in her head. Guess I'm not that different from Ethan after all, huh? You were right Charlie. Violating the mind is no better than violating the body. Rape is rape regardless –"

"Wait a minute I never said – " she interjected with anger stirring in her voice.

"But it's the truth. What I do- it's no better." He countered raising his voice as emotions intensified.

She came to sit beside him on the couch and lowered her voice. The words wanted to catch in her throat, but she forced them out as she held his gaze for emphasis. "Toby you are not a rapist. What Ethan did …" her voice faltered a moment but neither looked away. "What Ethan did was deliberate. He used power and control to force pain on another. You have never used your ability to harm anyone. "

"Never harmed anyone…" he narrowed his eyes challenging her assessment, "So exposing the secrets you wouldn't have willingly shared was fine with you?"

She blinked, looked down and whispered, "That was not done on purpose. You weren't trying to hurt me."

"But I did all the same. Intentional or not intentional harm was still done. I'm no less the freak." He insisted.

"Intention does matter… legally and personally. Human nature isn't perfect sometimes people get hurt. But you are not a freak. How many people are better off for you having used your gift? You are forgetting the good you have done and only focusing on what harm youmay have inadvertently caused. Going to beat yourself up because you're not perfect? Got news for you – no one is. " Charlie mentally shifted gears and thought of how to bring up the information she had come to tell him. "There is something I need to talk to you about … it's why I came over. "

Toby put his emotions of guilt and self-recrimination aside to listen. "OK, what's up?"

"I talked to Mercer about your file." Toby visibly tensed but said nothing. "He doesn't know where Maya currently is, but … Toby, when you were five Ray managed to track down your mother. " Toby rapidly blinked and tried to absorb what Charlie was telling him. "She was still running from people and decided that you would be safer away from her. I think she intended to come back for you once the danger had passed. Why she didn't I'm not sure. "

"Ray never said anything …" Toby struggled to believe the words that flew in the face of what he thought of his mentor and the closest thing to a father he had ever known.

"I know… he focused on helping you to block out the voices. Over time it seemed less important." She conveyed more of the conversation that she explored with Ray.

'Less important' he thought and sarcastically chuckled. "My mother was alive… he knew she was alive and never told me." Anger began to creep into his voice.

"I don't agree with his decision Toby, but he was trying to protect you in his own way." She paused a moment. "There's more." She needed to lay it all out for him and allow Toby to decide what to do with the knowledge. He stared at her with wide eyes and attempted to slow his breathing to a calmer level. "I reviewed the footage from the robbery at Mercer's office. There was an emblem on Clooney's cufflink that I've been trying to match. It looked familiar but I couldn't place it. I realized on the drive over here where I've seen it before. The jacket Ethan was wearing had the same image on the upper right hand corner. I think the same people that sent Clooney are tied in with Ethan. "

It was Toby's turn to share what he knew about Ethan from reading his mother's journal. "I know. Clooney was Ethan's father. Maya got involved with him and then he used her. Frank helped my mother escape just before Ethan was born, but Clooney found us and took Ethan back. Ethan grew up being a tool for them to manipulate, but he is not with them anymore. He's trying to find Maya. He's trying to figure out the truth. "

"How can you be sure Ethan is not part of a set up? That he is not still working for them?" Her cop's instinct was to question everything.

"He's not. All I can do is ask you to trust me on that. "She nodded acceptance to his request, but she still felt uneasy about the whole situation.

* * *

Ethan sat in the hotel room punching away at the keys on his laptop as he checked on the status of the Institute's computer system. He had left a back door password that would enable him to get back into the system whenever he needed to while still allowing the general passwords of the staff to be disabled. They had managed to find a few of the digital malware files he had planted but the system was still functioning at only about 60% of its normal capacity. The distraction and lack of full defenses allowed Ethan the freedom to explore the archive files to search for more information on Maya. Most of the files were from before Ethan was born and would not grant current location or condition, but after a few hours of searching though encrypted files that were coded numerically rather than labeled with names he found data on Maya that was less than a year old. Seems the Institute had been monitoring Maya in hopes of her leading them back to Toby rather than picking her up out right. She had been moving constantly using a variety of aliases, but the resources of the Institute were far reaching and despite the extended time frame and creative ways to stay under the radar she had not been able to successfully escape their notice.

One set of image files included x-rays taken a few months earlier. Judging by the doctor's notes accompanying the copied scans, the images were showing a malignant brain tumor. The clinic had advised surgery, but Maya had fled before the operation was performed.

There was nothing noted about Frank. Maya must have realized she was being tracked and had sent Frank to find Toby rather than taking the chance of leading the Institute's operatives to her son. What Frank's instructions were when he found Toby was still a mystery. Ethan copied the files to his laptop and disconnected.

* * *

Ray sat at the visitor's station waiting for Frank to be brought in. Their eyes met as the older gentleman sat down and they both paused for several moments not sure where to begin.

"How are you feeling Frank?" Ray began with some small talk.

"OK… doing OK. How is Toby?" the concern showed in Frank's voice.

"He's fine. The trial is coming up soon so perhaps you will get to see him then. Your attorney feels confident the case will result in a self defense verdict being rendered. Toby's still looking for Maya. Frank, do you remember what happened to the second baby that Maya gave birth to? Can you tell me anything about Toby's younger brother?" Ray's voice was tinged with curiosity and concern.

"Brother…. Brother – "Frank's eyes lit up. "Yes Maya had another boy. Only saw him once. Beautiful baby. Baby boy… yes she did have another baby." Frank's physical condition was no longer a major concern but his memory was not fully recovered and often came back in starts and fits.

"Frank do you remember where you helped Maya escape from… do you remember where you met Maya and Toby… or William as he was called then?" Ray knew it might be a lot to ask of Frank to go back and pull those dim recollections from his memory.

To his surprise, Frank rattled off an address that Ray quickly jotted down. Ray read the address and looked up at Frank almost cautiously. "Are you certain?"

"Worked there yes…. Long time ago." Frank nodded.

"Have you remembered what Maya wanted you to tell Toby when you found him?" hope shone in Ray's voice.

"Tell Toby… no I don't remember anything I was supposed to tell Toby. Was supposed to call Maya…. Call her when I got here and found him. Yes, that's right I was supposed to call Maya and let her know." Frank's confidence strengthened as he retraced the memory.

Maybe Frank was never intended to actually talk to Toby, but rather simply check on him and report back to Maya. Visiting time was almost up and Ray wanted to get back to his office to check out this address. "Thank you Frank… take care and I'm sure this will be resolved soon."

"Couldn't go back there – it wasn't a good place. Don't let them find Toby." Frank pleaded as he was led away.

"I'll try my best old friend…" Ray commented to himself as he watched Frank leave with the attendant.

* * *

Toby's cell phone started ringing and the sound startled both him and Charlie with its shrillness. Walking over to pick it up from the computer table he saw the call was coming from a number he didn't recognize. Glancing over to where Charlie still sat on the couch he pressed the answer button and hesitantly said "Hello?"

Ethan's voice came back, "Found some interesting scans archived that I thought you might want to see. Seems Maya was wrong… it wasn't her mind reading that was the issue. Sending them over now to your E-mail. Going to check out her last destination. "

"What scans?" Toby tried to question Ethan for clarification but the call ended with a final click before he could get the words out.

Charlie looked over at Toby in puzzlement. "What was that all about?" She walked over to Toby who had put the phone down and was logging onto his e-mail.

"Ethan – said he sent some scans on Maya." The images popped up on screen and Toby scrutinized them closely.

Charlie was at a loss as to what the images on the screen represented. "What are we looking at here?"

Tension was plain on Toby's face. "It's a tumor. Looks like a pretty nasty one at that. Untreated this could easily prove fatal." He looked for a date code. "These were taken four months ago. "

"How long would someone with this condition have?" Charlie asked.

"Untreated... it's hard to say exactly without comparison scans to know how fast the tumor is growing, but even at the size of this image … " Toby shook his head. "It would definitely be affecting emotion and higher reasoning ability. We need to find her – fast."

* * *

Ray locked his office door, walked over and sat down at his computer and typed in the address Frank had given him. General searches were coming up empty, but when he started using abbreviations in the street address a possibility came up. The search came back with a research center specializing in neuro-science. A few clicks later he found the page detailing the latest published research articles and was surprised to recognize one of the authors as a former colleague. Dr. Benjamin Walker had been one of the brightest minds in Mercer's graduate level education courses. It had been years since they had spoken, but were on good terms during the time they were classmates. Perhaps he should give Ben a call and see what he was up to now. It certainly would be a better route to take than calling up the office number and asking if they were conducting unauthorized secret research on mind reading.

Dr. Walker was out of the office, so Ray left a message asking for a call back for help concerning a baffling case he was working on that could use a new perspective. Feeling restless, Ray decided to take a drive just to see if he could locate the address. When Ray opened his office door to leave he found Toby standing there with Charlie a few feet behind him.

"Going somewhere?" Toby's voice was friendly enough but there was an edge of tension that Ray immediately picked up on.

"Was heading out to grab a bite to eat." The excuse was not a total lie as Ray did plan on grabbing lunch before coming back to the office, but the smile on Toby's face disappeared.

"Bit far to go for lunch isn't it?" Toby indicated the piece of paper in the professor's hand showing the address and directions Ray had printed. Ray's shoulders slumped in resignation as he took a few steps back into his office, issuing an unspoken invitation for Toby to join him.

Sensing that this was not a good time to be a third wheel, Charlie opted to exclude herself from the discussion. "I'm going to go grab a cup of coffee." She tossed out then headed down the hall to the vending area. Toby never replied but rather kept his gaze on Ray as he began walking forward. When both men were alone in the office the pleasantries were dropped.

"When were you going to tell me Ray?" Toby's voice cracked with emotion.

Wary eyes turned back to meet Toby's pained expression. "Tell you what Toby? "

"You knew. You knew that my mother was alive yet you never told me. How much else do you know? What else have you kept from me?" The barrage of questions exploded from Toby's mouth refusing to be kept silent any longer.

"She asked me to keep you safe… " He wiped a hand over his eyes, "I did that the best way I knew how Toby. I made the decisions I did while trying to honor your mother's wishes. I only spoke to her that one time before she disappeared again. So much time has gone by since then… who knows what happened to her after that conversation. There was no way to reconnect, and you had already been through such trauma. "

"And the address? What's at 8273 W. Carlton Way… is she…" Toby could barely believe that Ray would deliberately hide Maya's location from him, but now his trust was shaken with the past secret revealed.

"I don't know." Ray admitted.

Toby glared at him. "Why don't I believe you?"

"Frank gave me this address as the place he used to work at… the place he helped you and Maya escape from so many years ago. What it is now… if it even has any connection to what was happening back then, I honestly don't know Toby. "

"Then why were you going there?" Toby wanted to believe him.

"To check it out… to see if I could find out more information. " Ray claimed

Charlie had walked back slowly to give the two men time to finish their conversation. Hearing the words pouring out through the open office door caused her to lean against the frame with cup in hand and listen to this last exchange before interjecting her own remarks. "So what? You were planning on just walking in the front door and demanding to know what they did with Maya? Oh there's a plan." She scowled disapprovingly.

Toby and Ray both shot her a startled look. They had half forgotten she was there. She took advantage of the silence to walk further into the office. "Have you given the police this information?" The question was directed at Ray although she glanced over at Toby as well in silent assessment.

The guilty look on Ray's face was answer enough. "I wanted to check it out first." The words tumbled out in an only half believable tone.

"Now I know where he gets it from." She mumbled disgustedly under her breath. The two men looked puzzled. "Toby is always sticking his nose into police matters and now I see you ready to head off like the lone ranger as well." She retorted to Ray. "This is a police case and I would like you both to stop playing cop. Let me see the address." Charlie indicated the paper in Ray's hand. He handed it over reluctantly.

"You are not going without me." Toby insisted.

"And if I have you arrested and held to keep you from following?" She knew it was an empty threat, but Charlie was praying that Toby wouldn't see through it. He grinned.

"You are still on leave detective. Somehow I don't think Becker would look too kindly on the whole situation." The gleam in Toby's eyes screamed he had won and he knew it.

The phone on Ray's desk came to life and Ray hustled over to grab the receiver before the second ring finished. "Hello?"

"Dr. Mercer?" The voice on the other end of the line came back.

"Yes, this is Dr. Mercer. Can I help you?" the voice seemed familiar, but was not instantly recognizable.

"This is Dr. Benjamin Walker. You left a message on my voice mail regarding a second opinion on a case," he explained.

Charlie and Toby were watching Ray intently. "Yes… would you have time to meet with me to review the details?" Ray vaguely inquired trying to keep his guests from realizing what the conversation was pertaining to.

"What case are you working on, and if you don't mind my asking, why call me?" Curiosity filled Dr. Walker's voice.

"It's a case for a course I'm teaching that brings into light some research published in your most recent paper." That was a flat out lie, but Ray needed an excuse to get off the phone and out of the office.

The name finally connected in Dr. Walker's memory and he questioned, "Mercer… Not Ray Mercer?"

"Yes actually." Ray confirmed.

"I didn't recognize your voice at first. Look, I'm going to be leaving this afternoon for a conference, but we could meet when I return in a couple days." The relation to his recent work quickly dispelled Dr. Walker's natural hesitancy.

Hope flickered out for Ray that he could use this meeting as an excuse to escape his office and this interrogation. "That would be great. Will look forward to meeting with you then." Ray finished with the pleasantries and ended the call and then had to turn to face Toby and Charlie again.

"A colleague that I attended university with…" Ray gave in quick explanation to the questioning stares.

"Uh huh… I'm going to go check out this address." Charlie tossed off as she grabbed her keys from her pocket and headed for the door.

"Right behind you." Toby just grinned at her narrowed eyes, but didn't stop following her out.

"Toby..." Ray's voice had a hesitancy held over from their earlier, unfinished discussion. ++I'm sorry for not telling you back then, but I still think it was for the best.++

Toby paused for half a moment to exchange an expression mixed with disbelief, pain, and empathy with his lifelong mentor before walking out the door. They would definitely talk more later.

* * *

Ethan had tracked Maya's movements to a little bed and breakfast where she had stayed the night before the accident that had resulted in her car being deserted along the snowy bank.

"She didn't mention where she was headed, but sure was in a hurry to get started. Was out of here before breakfast was even served." The puzzled hostess explained to Ethan. +++Didn't even leave a tip. Hummppt+++ There was nothing of use that he could pull from her mind. Frustrated, he gave her a curt nod and let the door slam on his way out.

Another dead end. Ethan was starting to wonder if it would just be better to let her disappear back into the past. He had never known what it was like to have a mother. So why did he care so much now? Out of leads and partly out of habit, he wandered the back roads that led towards the Institute.

"You OK?" Charlie glanced over at Toby. "You haven't said a word since we left."

"What is there to say?" He shrugged her question off, but the bitterness in his voice easily gave him away.

Expressing her feelings was not exactly Charlie's strong point. Having feelings in the field while bullets were flying was a distraction a cop couldn't afford, and Charlie had learned though her life as well as her police training to put on a good poker face to keep her emotions hidden. That was probably why she could tell Toby was doing exactly the same thing now. Someone who didn't know Toby might only see his calm exterior, and not catch the tightness around his eyes or the little too practiced smile with the squared shoulders that were a tad too straight. But she had been around him enough to know he was holding back a tidal wave inside.

"For what it's worth I don't think he understood how much it would hurt you." Her tone was still business-like, but there was also an unspoken invitation to talk. Toby stared at her as she kept her eyes fixed on the road ahead. Still she caught his glare in her peripheral vision.

"Charlie, he kept the fact that my mother was alive from me. How can someone not know…" his voice choked off as he turned to look out the window in an effort to fight back the tears.

Charlie glanced in her rear view mirror seconds before the black Ford truck behind them revved up and slammed into the back of the car. There was no time to correct the skid to keep the car on the road. The best she could do was attempt to control the obstacles the car crashed against as the car flew off into the ditch.

* * *

Author's Note: Life has gotten rather crazy again – I plan on picking up again in the next installment with resolution to the questions from Toby's past as well as Charlie and Toby's future. Hopefully written over this summer break… but will have to see what life allows. Thanks again go out to my beta reader Joyce without whom I would not have been able to put up this second half due to my computer crashing.


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